..One thing that I hate about you !

I went back to the place where we first met,
and searched for a hazy clue..


I searched the every possible dimension,
I searched in the dark and the blue..


I even enquired about it to the setting sun,
and also asked the early morning dew..


I looked for a trace in our past,
but was still unable to view..


It might sound fake and spurious,
but in the end it's so damn true..


that I am just not able to find that one thing,
that I hate about you !

..the invisible mode !

It's 11 at night. You just finished your dinner after a hectic day at work. Your laptop is still on the standby mode. You decide to wind up things for the day and doze off but by doing that you feel a little restless. All the while stuck amidst work or people related to work, you feel retarded. You log in to your Gmail account and see a whole bunch of people online. A mixture of people from your high school, your neighbourhood and of course your workplace, some with tacky captions, some interestingly high, some absurdly low, while some with an expressionless red dot before their names. Somehow you don't want others to notice you for various reasons best known to yourself and the interesting part is that no one is actually aware that you are online, because you are invisible !

Why can't life have such an invisible mode? 

Sometimes we wish if we could just hide without actually hiding. Sometimes we just want to watch things happening around without being noticed. Sometimes we wish we didn't exist and could still roam around places checking out what life is without us and have the special power to re-exist the next moment. How exciting it would be to not exist for some period of time in life, to vanish into an invisible mode so that no one knows where you are, what you are upto & whether you really subsist or not.


Organizations would then put up a clause in the offer letter of the so called invisible mode like they do for holidays. Lovers would promise each other that if at all they go invisible they would do  that together, and parents would warn their children not to vanish without permission.

Imagine what a break we would get out of this life which sometimes seems impossible. Living a life other than the original life which has no communication networks, no bugging phone calls, and no disgusting relationships. Just a truly lonesome soul watching everything that is happening in the world just as we normally do, but who would have the power to come back where he had left.

What a life it would be ..if that happened !!

..back to school !!

February 21, 2010: Helpless and tired, after restlessly lying down for a long time that seemed unending I checked my watch, it showed 05.45am. I couldn't believe that I had not slept even for a minute all night long and the worst part was that I had to appear for the Common Entrance Test (CET) in less than 8 hours, supposedly my last attempt at B-school entrance tests.There was an unusual stir in my head. I somehow managed to find a paracetamol pill inside the drawer. That was the only thing that would help my brain relax and induce the much needed sleep. I went back to bed.

      At 09.55am I got up with a jerk. Looking at the watch I started counting the number of hours I had slept for. "More than 3" I said to myself and smiled.

         After an uneasy two and a half hours of the CET exam (Uneasy because I had got a seat right in front of the loo) I made my way out of the main gate of the esteemed Jamnalal Bajaj Institute of Management Studies. Just when I was about to leave I turned back and clicked a photograph of the wall which had JBIMS logo carved on it. The picture looked pretty awesome, but somewhere something was missing. I couldn’t understand what it was. I thought for a while & left.

July 28, 2010: It was a beautiful rainy morning when I reached JBIMS. I had got my results the other day and yeah,as per the rankings I was one of those 120 lucky people who made it there, Jamnalal Bajaj –A dream come true!

          

            Moving into the premises I took my camera out, focussed it onto the same wall which had  the institute name and logo carved on it, and this time the photograph looked different.

 Through those lenses along with the JBIMS logo I saw myself. I saw myself getting up every damn morning year after year running behind a career, a goal, a dream. I saw myself bunking at work just because I had a CAT/CET seminar to attend.  I saw myself slogging and hunting for improvements in my mock tests. I saw myself managing my personal & professional life to the best I could. I saw myself planning about my future while taking the morning shower, I saw myself de-motivated when I had lost this MMS seat by 4 marks the other year. I saw my parents supporting me when I was low, I saw myself being criticised by some people whom I thought were my friends. I saw myself staying up all night due to an agitated brain with my CET exam the next day. I saw myself shiver just before the results were to be displayed. I saw myself praying at the every possible temple and at the every possible church. And in the end I saw myself smiling, the way I had never smiled before.

Now the picture looked perfect !

"I am back to school .." I said to myself jumping with joy.

Glad to tell you guys, JBIMS is reloaded, and I am one of the bullets.... Cheers ;-)

..yet again !

It was getting better,

A spell so numb, so dry,

I hoped it continued,

I slept with a sigh..

I saw a dream,

helpless, couldn't sustain,

It broke all the rules,

took me down the memory lane..

I saw you far away,
I saw you cry,
you whispered something,
& I wished it was a lie..


I woke up with a jerk,
I felt the pain,
I rubbed my eyes,
& they were wet, yet again !

Let's accept it !

"Why can't you change?" He said to his elder brother and barged out of the room banging the door with a thud expressing his disgust. 

How many times has the above thing happened to you personally? Well, quite often, isn't it? And it happens every where, be it your home, be it your work or be it any other place or thing you deal with. You come across certain issues, think you are doing the right thing, reach at a point where things go beyond your control and then quit saying,"That's not my cup of tea." And you are so sure that this will help.

Well, the fact is that it doesn't. And then we think that the world is full of shit turning us into a cynic. 

Why does this happen? We humans have a inborn tendency of something called "To Change." We want to manipulate things around us. We might say that we have great deal of reverence for other peoples' perspective, but the bottom line remains, "More than anything else, MY PERSPECTIVE MATTERS."  

         Founder of Vedanta Academy, Mr. Parthasarathy once said,"We get terrified by the summer and want it to be cooler, we shiver during winter and want it to be warmer, we hate rains and want it to be drier. We just want things to be what they are not"

 Why??? 

Why can't we understand that the beauty of summer is its sweltering heat? The nature of winter is that it is cold, and it has to rain in the month of June. Why can't we accept things as they are and enjoy what they give us instead of wanting to change them for what they are not?

Life is not about quitting thinking,"Nature is something we cannot change." But it's about why do we want it to change. We are what we are because of things we have come across all our life right from the time we were born, similarly people have gone through their own way of living, and that's what makes them the way they are. 

Let's not get petrified by someone whose nature made you feel disgusted. Lets feel lucky that you  came across something unusual and got a chance to see what's printed on the other side of the coin.

Let's accept people the way they are, and let's enjoy their nature, after all Summer won't be called Summer if it's not hot !

..love you a lot !

On the day when I was born,

I opened my eyes and saw two angels,

Both of them so content & glad..

One of them I called Mom,

the other one I called Dad..

They held my hand,

& taught me to walk..

motivated me everytime,

& were always there,

Whenever I needed someone to talk..

They woke me up every damn morning,

and sent me to school..

No matter how much teachers complained,

they trusted me every single time,

they knew their son was not a fool..

I grew up,

disrespected them,

So shamelessly even after being known..

that every wrong word which I say,

would hit them like a stone..

Today on this Valentine's Day,

where people are busy expressing Love..

I want to tell my angels,

They mean everything to me,

even more than the God above..

Being your son in this world I realize,

what a great gift from god I've got..

Hey Mom, hey Dad,

Let me tell you today,

I really love you a Lot !

..Apple of my eye !

Sweetest you are,

as sweet as a pie..

Would never let you be alone,

even if I die..

Just can't see you low,

wanna hold everything high..

I mean it when I say,

you are the 'Apple of my eye'

..good-byes are bad !

"I think the train has come" she said and we shook hands for the last time. "Keep smiling" I murmured while the train moved and she waved me till the sight could fade.

It was the day which was supposedly the last time we met. Before you take it otherwise let me tell you the person I'm portraying here is one of my closest friend. She is someone whom I had met during my 1st job at a Mumbai-based company. Initially it hardly mattered, but as I started knowing her, she became an idol for me. A Piscean, with more sensibility than sensitivity, a female with a cute killing smile & zero attitude, someone who would always be there whenever the circumstances demand.

I always have a dumb assumption which is true majority of the times that one day out of the week has to be bad for you. And one such day for me is Friday. Believe it or not, but this day sucks for no reason every week. Nothing disastrous, but it leaves me in a state of uneasiness which I could never define. And whenever I used to come across such kind of uneasiness, I used to meet her. Surprisingly every uneasiness and every sorrow used to fade away. She has that kind of magical attitude towards life, that one can't be sad with her.

She changed my attitude towards life, she added nothing in my life except smiles, and the best part being that I experienced friendship in purest form with her.

But nothing in life is permanent, and whatever comes has to go away.

As the train moved out of sight, I turned and... I was blank.

Though I never thought I would feel so much after she goes away, though available on phone, it makes a lot of difference & now I feel that I am actually going to miss a friend.

Someone who wouldn't be there to laugh with me thinking I'm mad..

Someone who wouldn't be around when things go wrong and I feel sad..

Wishing happiness always I bid her a Good-bye,

but sorry to say these Good-byes are really really bad !

..The Good ol' Days !

It was 7pm. I and a friend of mine were standing at a Stationery Store for taking Xerox copies.

“How much more time your stupid Xerox is going to take”, she asked me. I turned towards her, gave her a damned look and adjusted my tilted spectacles.

“What ?” she asked.

“Have patience” I replied.

It was a little crowded place with people around who had come there for taking Xerox. Let me tell you when you are with a female you are always noticed by almost everyone, irrespective of how inconsequential you are.

“Tushar…, you know what” she said in a tone that often frightens me.

I lowered my eyebrows trying to guess what it was when all of a sudden she said ,” There is a black noodle hanging out of your nose.”

What followed was stun silence.

With a question mark on my face I looked around while she began laughing holding her face tightly. It was so embarrassing. I lowered my eyes in disgust, rolled them across like a thief to find out if any one around was watching me. No one was looking at us but I could sense their pointed ears and they indeed knew what was happening.

Looking at her I rubbed my nose in a manner full of shame. She was going bonkers, laughing and laughing. I rolled my eyes across and this time I found everyone looking at me. As if it was a golden hair coming out of my nostril that they wished to see.

Imagine how you would feel when your female-friend embarrasses you in the crowd and laughs and laughs at your face while you stand amidst the whole thing with a clueless expression.

I looked down, took the Xerox, and quietly moved out of that place while she laughed and laughed and laughed…

So very silly & so very humiliating, but as I recall now, the Noodle, the people and her 2000KW laughter, I actually laugh.

Wait a minute, Am I laughing on myself.., ? (eyebrows raised !)